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Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers (Ephesians 4:29, NKJV).
Some talk too much, and others too little. I fall into the “too much” category, and since I talk five times as much as other people, I have more opportunities for communication errors.
At the end of the day, while reviewing my conversations, I often think, “You are such a dunderhead. Why did you say that?”
I want my conversations to give grace.
I’ve found Ephesians 4:29 helpful in improving the many words that I speak during the day. The word “corrupt” can be translated as “rotten,” and yes, some of my words (yours too!) are like opening a garbage can on a hot summer day.
It’s best to avoid such smelly language.
Contrasting the word “corrupt” in Ephesians 4:29, Paul writes two words describing great conversations. First, “edification,” which means building a proper structure, and second, “grace” meaning “gift.”
Do our words build a relationship with gifts of edification?
I try to practice Grace Talk—does a person feel edified and covered with favor after talking to me? Are they enthused or discouraged? Below are three things to avoid when developing Grace Talk.
First: Open with a negative.
Never open a conversation with a negative or sarcastic and downgrading comment. How do we feel when someone says, “Did you gain weight?” or “We are so thankful you finally showed up.”
Instead, let’s say, “It’s good to see you today.” It’s better to ask questions about job, family, health, or by how many points The Ohio State Buckeyes will beat That Team Up North this year.
Second: Include generals and ghosts.
A general is when you say, “You always do this.” Never generalize a critique of another person because it’s untrue—no one can always do something. A ghost is released with the statement, “Several people have told me.” The “several people” are ghosts—elusive and not present.
Generals and ghosts manipulate. They are not Grace Talk.
Third: Hijack the conversation.
A conversation should be back and forth.
It’s annoying when someone keeps turning the conversation in their direction. They keep saying, “This reminds me of ________.” We want the other person to speak 60 percent of the time.
Let me practice what Grace Talk isn’t:
I see you at Kroger® and say. . .
Oh no, not you! Someone told me that you always stop here after work. Did I tell you how my wife likes Aldi® rather than this place?
Yep, I just opened with a negative, included both a general and a ghost, and talked about myself. Great job, Pastor Grant (sarcasm)! People know that I never practice what I write. Did I tell you about cycling today in 90-degree weather?
Let’s open with kind words, forget generals and ghosts, and listen more than we talk!
We need to ask ourselves: “Do others feel grace after a conversation with me?”